Revising Beyond the Critique


Last week I brought a new picture book manuscript to my critique group. They loved it (YIPPEE!) with the exception of one minor detail – the opening line. Unanimously it “didn’t work” for them which is critique-speak for “we hated it and we didn’t know how to fix it.”

My mission: Rewrite the opening line. Six words. No problem.

La dee dah. Think. Daydream. Brainstorm. Fix one line and then e-mail this little baby to my agent. La dee dah. Think. Daydream. Brainstorm. A different word here. New punctuation there. Cut the opening clause. Hmmm.

This went on for days. Nothing worked. Alas surfaced the problem with rewriting that line. Not only did I love it, I titled the book after it AND it was the premise of my whole dang story. Every time I changed it – and believe me, I found plenty of words that fit the space – the story logic or voice changed. I had to wonder – if voice, logic and premise all hinged on my opening line and my opening line “didn’t work,” how in the world could my story work? Did anyone really like the story?

I reexamined the premise. I still loved it. And so did my critique group. So I vowed, for the time being, that I’d leave the premise alone.

Then I set about digging deeper into the question “What was wrong with my opening line?” Was it really about word choice? Or was it voice? Or was it point of view? What was it?

I interviewed my critique buddies individually and got them to explore what they were feeling when they read the line. While their comments varied, they had a common theme – the line feels too heavy coming from a kid – clearly not good for a humorous picture book. But all agreed that the line also set up the story logically. They were words that needed to be spoken – just not by a kid.

Ahah! I needed a narrator that wasn’t my kid. I needed a third person narrator who could humorously tell my kid’s story and most importantly, deliver that opening line. I needed to rewrite my picture book from a different point of view. So that’s what I did.

And once I switched to third person, I was able to fire up the wit, the humor and the story logic … and even give my main character a name. The manuscript was infinitely better. And my critique group agreed.

Mirroring the example above, are the many times I’ve completely rewritten a chapter when all that was needed was a word change.

Lessons learned.

Before you jump into revisions, you need to fully understand your critique comments. Question your readers. It’s not about getting defensive, it’s about exploring what’s at the root of their concerns. By digging deeply into the true meaning of a critique comment before digging into your revisions, you’ll save yourself time, frustration and elevate your story to a much higher level.

You may even get to name your main character.

Posted & filed under The Writing Process.

Points From PB Peeks: What Happens Right Before Your Ending?

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned Allyn Johnston’s and Marla Frazee’s wise words about picture book endings. Yes, endings should disarm us. They must have a touch of mystery, a touch of magic and space for the reader to fill in or ponder.

But let me offer this:

Equally as important is what happens right before the ending. It’s that scene reaching a crescendo, that then allows for the satisfaction felt at the sublime ending.

Take, for example, the “Too Pee-Yooey” page in Too Pickley! This two-page spread, the octopus soup and the child’s screwed up face all allow the reader/listener to conclude that enough is enough. We’ve reached an epicurean climax and we’re ready for the relief of “So yummy. All done.”

Let’s look at a few other picture books to see what happens right before the end.

Knuffle Bunny Free – Trixie finds Knuffle Bunny in the seat pocket of the plane. On a two page spread Trixie shouts, “KNUFFLE BUNNY!!!” Clearly at this point the reader/listener is just as thrilled and relieved as Trixie – which sets us up for the complete poignancy of Trixie’s gift and the perfect ending to the series.


All the World – The poem has built to a crescendo incorporating the grand notions of “Hope and peace and love and trust” on a two-page spread showing a majestic sky and darkened landscape, before bringing the story back to the tender and very personal ending of “All the world is all of us” and the illustration of a single child with a mystery in her hands.

Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse – Lily gives cookies and an note of apology to Mr. Slinger. She also tells him she’s really, really, really sorry. Mr. Slinger asks Lily what he should do with her original horrid note. Yes, a few pages back Lily opens her purse and sees the kind note from Mr. Slinger which triggers her remorse. But the ultimate confrontation – especially for a kid – is to own up to what they’ve done in front of the person they’ve hurt. This apology is an emotional crescendo for any child reader/listener and perfectly sets up Mr. Slinger’s totally awesome teacher behavior and Lily’s resolve to be a teacher – making both that much sweeter.

So take a look at other picture book arcs. The scene right before the ending might reveal the ultimate trouble, the ultimate mess, the ultimate confrontation – very much like the climax in a novel or the final showdown.

If this crescendo occurs too soon, the story might feel like it’s going on too long as you wrap things up. And if it occurs right at the end, your reader might feel cheated out of a satisfying full circle of emotions. But if you reach that high point right before your perfect ending your readers will then parachute into the sublime satisfaction of that final page.

Posted & filed under Picture Book Peeks, The Writing Process.

Writing Book Review: Second Sight


Second Sight: An Editor’s Talks on Writing, Revising and Publishing Books for Children and Young Adults
by Cheryl B. Klein

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Asterisk Books (March 9, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0615420826

When I received the request to support Scholastic (Arthur A. Levine Books) editor, Cheryl Klein, in her endeavor to publish this book, I knew I had to have it. I was already a huge fan of Klein’s wise and wonderful editor’s eye-view talks. I did worry, somewhat, that the content was already available on line in her rich and widely-read website. But even if that WAS the case, I looked forward to having that content, primarily from her talks, bound in an organized fashion for my library.

What I found was that, yes, quite a bit of the material was lifted directly from Klein’s site, and yes, it was well-organized in the book. But I also found that it was that organization – as well as a wealth of additional information – that took the web content to a whole new level.

(Prereading Tip: Read the novels Klein uses in her examples throughout. It elevates understanding immensely.)

So here’s my recap.

Who’s it for: Primarily for middle grade and young adult novelists who have completed a first draft. One special chapter is devoted to picture book writing.

Picture book writing advice that most resonated with me: All good picture books – like novels – must have an action plot AND an emotional plot.

Novel writing tip that most resonated with me: In one sentence answer the question “What is this book about?” – this is what you most want to communicate to your readers – then build the story around that.

Favorite quote: Good plots “provide a structure and events through which your protagonist has painful experiences, learns from them, grows from them and triumphs in a way that conveys the BIG IDEA the author has in mind.”

Favorite example: While it’s tempting to site Klein’s chapter-long Harry Potter example here, for everything that’s done right in a novel, I learned even more from her editorial walk-through of So Totally Emily Ebers, which focused more on figuring out what’s not working in a novel and suggesting appropriate fixes. Both examples were available on her website but it was helpful to go through them again. By the way – Emily Ebers may be my favorite of Yee’s books.

Favorite exercise: Write the flap copy for your book – about 2-3 paragraphs for a total of about 250 words. Make it as interesting as possible leaving the reader with no choice but to buy the book. But here’s the catch. Don’t write what should, or might, or you wish would happen in your book. You need to stick with what DOES happen. Then ask yourself, “Would I buy this book?”

Favorite revision technique: Make a bookmap of your novel. I already do this on a spreadsheet where I can add chapter titles, summaries and character appearances. I can also color code plot lines if need be. The bookmap also serves as a time-saving table of contents while revising.

Something I will be wary of in my own writing: Whiny protagonists without charm or truth.

Star sighting: Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich, my agency mate, whose editor-winning query for Eighth-Grade Superzero was lauded and examined in the book.

Best lesson learned: Write with emotional truth. Klein says, “The stronger the successful emotional reaction, the more likely the reader is to think that book good.”

Recommendation: Without a doubt, if you’re a children’s writer, add this book to your library. Klein’s view from the other side of the desk is a great one. And you can buy it right here.

Posted & filed under Great Reads, The Writing Process, Tools for the Taking.

Children’s Author Chris Barton Takes on a New Identity


Bestselling children’s author, Chris Barton, is known for his award-winning picture books The Day Glo Brothers and Shark Vs. Train. But these days, he’s donning a new disguise – or genre, if you will.

His young-adult book Can I See Your I.D.? True Stories of False Identities recently hit bookstore shelves with rave reviews. Publisher’s Weekly says “Barton’s prose captures the daring, ingenuity, and quick thinking required of each imposter.“

So I had a chance to ask Chris, “If you could assume the identity of any literary figures who would make it to your top 5?”

I was positive that his #1 would be the Shark from Shark Vs. Train. However, being the creative and completely noble guy that he is, his answer took a surprising twist.

Here’s what Chris had to say:

“Over the years, I did a long series of blog posts (http://chrisbarton.info/blog/labels/us_history_reading) about children’s books covering various periods of U.S. history, and I can think of *lots* of real-life figures from those books that I would like to be:

• Cesar Chavez: Because of the courage he managed to summon and the way he transformed the lives of so many people taken for granted.

• Madam C.J. Walker: So few people can say they’ve done something no one else before them has done. When you’re the first African-American woman millionaire, it’s a different story.

• Charles Ives: He heard unusual sounds in his head and brought them into this world in dynamic fashion, all while keeping his day job.

• Lt. Gail S. Halvorsen: Adored, even revered, by the former children of East Berlin to this day, more than six decades after the Berlin airlift.

• Joe Switzer: His brother Bob left behind an extensive first-person account of how the two of them worked together to, among other things, invent Day-Glo. I’d love to know Joe’s perspective firsthand.“

Wow! What a guy! WHAT A GUY! Now I get why the Shark didn’t make the list.

Get to know Chris and his fabulous new book at his other blog tour stops:

On Peter Salomon’s blog – http://tinyurl.com/3e8tet9
On Penny Blubaugh’s blog Wednesday, May 4 – http://penblue.wordpress.com/
On Ruth McNally Barshaw’s blog, Saturday May 7 – http://elliemcdoodle.blogspot.com/

On Jenny Ziegler’s blog in June – http://jenniferziegler.livejournal.com/

You can also follow Chris and his amazing kid lit adventures at:

And don’t forget to check out Can I See Your I.D?

Posted & filed under Great Reads, Marketing Minutes, News to Use, Stops and Sightings.

Picture Book Peek Week #11 Begins April 25th!!

Spring Has Sprung – Peek Week #11 – April 25th!

It’s a Petunia Popping Picture Book Peek Week –
Free critique of a selected picture book manuscript

It begins April 25th!
Here’s how it works:

Sign up for a critique by entering your picture book WORKING TITLE in the comment section of this blog post anytime (midnight to midnight Mountain Time) on April 25th. Titles submitted before or after April 25th will not be considered.

I’ll throw all titles into a hat and pick 1 for critique.
Keep in mind:

* Manuscripts must be 1000 words or less.

* I accept only fiction.

* Level of detail in the critique will vary based on my impression of the caliber of the writing.

* Please understand that I’m not an editor and will not be providing line-editing of your work. My critique will be comprised of suggestions for improving your manuscript. So please send me your most polished piece.

* The critique winner must e-mail me his/her manuscript as a Word attachment within 48 hours of the announcement . Manuscripts will be kept completely confidential. When I receive the manuscript, I’ll let the author know when they can expect my critique.

* As with any art form, likes and dislikes are entirely subjective. Please understand that my critiques are only one reader’s/writer’s opinion. It’s always wise to seek feedback from a few different readers. If my ideas resonate with you, they’re yours to use. If you disagree, I encourage you to compare my comments with those of other readers. But in the end, it’s your book. Stay true to your vision.

“Jean’s critique played a direct role in getting me an agent. What more can I say? She’s an invaluable resource for kidlit writers.”
Tara Lazar, author of THE MONSTORE coming soon from Aladdin/Simon & Schuster 2013

I look forward to reading your work.

Jean

Posted & filed under News to Use, Pay it Forward Fridays, Picture Book Peeks.

Writing the *Breakdown* Novel

I’m getting ready to read Save The Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You’ll Ever Need in yet another attempt to understand novel structure. Then I’ll add it to my library of books that has had me trudging along The Hero’s Journey, climbing Freytag’s Triangle, breaking out in hives with my breakout novel, squeezing seven acts into a three-act structure and posturing with Plato’s Poetics. And, just yesterday, I read the article “Story Trumps Structure” by Steven James in the February 2011 Writer’s Digest (yes, I’m a little behind) which made me question everything that’s gone before.

If nothing else, all this reading (and a few bloody critiques) has clarified (like raw sewage) what not to do in my novels. So, if you want your novel to break down and burn like a Ford Pinto, I’ll share my “not to dos” with you.

Jean Reidy’s Writing the *Breakdown* Novel:

1. Think of every possible funny, sad or serious event from your life or imagination that might remotely relate to your premise. Then crowbar them ALL into your story, such that your trajectory is masked by a plethora of overwritten scenes serving no semblance of a plot.

2. Next, study trajectory and raising the stakes. Then create a new torpedo of a story that layers crisis after crisis and races to the finish with no emotional or logical resonance.

3. Then, read about turning a story on its head. Do so with your next novel so much so that you create a completely loathsome main character and a story so flush with subplots that the theme evolves into something about ice skating and Moonies.

4. Finally, try a retelling of a classic story, following a mapped out structure. But make sure that in your effort to inform the old story, you crowbar in events from imagination and life, create overwrought crises that your loathsome characters can not recover from and rocket right to a predictable finish all while losing (and perhaps insulting) the original framework of a beloved classic tale.

So there you have it.
I’m hoping Save the Cat! can save me.

Posted & filed under The Writing Process.

Writing Book Review: Between the Lines by Jessica Page Morrell

Between the Lines: Master the Subtle Elements of Fiction Writing by Jessica Page Morrell

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Writers Digest Books (April 25, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 158297392X
  • Buy it here!

I didn’t remember the subtitle of Jessica Page Morrell’s book until I looked at the cover again to write this review. I was ready to say that Morrell explores the subtle necessities of fiction writing. “Subtle” because they often take a back seat to grammar and usage. “Necessities” because without them, writing falls flat.

Now don’t confuse “subtle” with invisible or unimportant. Instead, these are the elements that leave you scratching your head at the end of a truly great read and saying, “Now that was satisfying, because, because …”

Think of these elements as the little trade secrets that separate “okay” writing from “wow” writing. And those secrets are all laid out neatly in this book.

Who’s this for: Writers ready to take their novels to the next literary level.

Organization: As this is not a “write a novel” guide, the book doesn’t walk through a menu or chronological how-to. Instead, it serves as a reference for the tools available to enrich your prose. While I can see referring to chapters on “backstory” or “prologues” or “imagery” individually, I can also see the benefit of rereading the book start to finish from time to time as a reminder of tools available.

Use of examples: Some writers on writing seem to go out of their way to cite literature that is not only inaccessible but also, little known. Readers, then, have to work too hard to place the concept in the familiar. Morrell uses popular fiction and even movies from time to time in crystal clear examples. It’s like comparing someone to your best friend – you get it easily.

Favorite chapter: “Chapter 5 – Epiphanies & Revelations.” The chapter includes a brief discussion of the difference between the two, the components of a strong epiphany and exercises for using revelations to enhance pacing and suspense.

Biggest myth debunked: Backstory is a novel’s nemesis. In fact, backstory used and placed wisely, can layer and enrich a shallow story. Morrell illustrates multiple techniques for doing so.

Resonated most: The discussion of prologues in frame stories. I used this technique in a historical novel I’ve written. The manuscript is now resting for a while. But when I return to it, I hope to keep the frame story in place because my prologue provides an eerie set-up to the extended flashback of the main story.

Best lesson: Create settings that multitask. As a children’s author I don’t always pay close enough attention to setting. I create one – often fresh and fun. I introduce it. And then I forget about it. Morrell encourages writers to delve into their settings to make them work harder for the story – even, perhaps, to suggest themes.

Best exercise: In the section on imagery and metaphor, Morrell suggests constantly brainstorming this question as you write – “What does this remind me of?” Avoid the first thing that comes to mind as it will likely be a cliche. A lengthy list will eventually reveal fresh imagery. As Morrell says “Comparisons, especially similes, should jolt the reader just a little. He should feel pleasure and recognition upon reading.”

Oldie but Goodie: Reminder that a “ticking clock” is a great device for raising the stakes.

Something I hadn’t thought of: Use of multiple tools for foreshadowing and its importance.

Should have been the last chapter: “Chapter 14 – Subtlety” – Morrell’s discussion of subtext and “Tips for Writing with Subtlety” beautifully gel the ideas that make this book different than any other craft book for me. Taking writing to the next level is often more about paring down than bulking up. It’s about taking more time, more thought and more care without necessarily putting more words on the page – just the perfect words.

Posted & filed under Great Reads, The Writing Process.

Random Read Alouds – “Books and Blankets”

This Wednesday March 9th is World Read Aloud Day. You can read more about that here.

In the morning I’ll be doing Skype Read Alouds with the following schools:

Early Childhood School, Frisco, TX
 Pembroke Hill & Village Schools, Pembroke, NH

Bellerose Avenue Elementary, Northport, NY

But for the afternoon, I’m thinking about a random read aloud idea called “Books and Blankets.”

Actually, I’ve been considering this for a few weeks now, in and out of the sphere of World Read Aloud Day.

My idea is a simple one.

  1. Go to a local library and check out a full bag of great read aloud picture books OR fill a bag from your home library.
  2. Pack up a blanket or two or three and head to an inner-city park or rec center, a soup kitchen, a homeless shelter – anyplace where you can find kids who might not have someone reading to them on a regular basis. (I know access might be an issue here. I also know my favorite soup kitchen is limited in space, but I’m not letting go of the idea.)
  3. Set yourself up on a blanket. Spread a few more blankets out for your listeners. And read. Read. Read. Read. Read out loud, that is, and see who joins you.

Would anyone care to try “Books and Blankets” with me? Crazy you say? Probably. But here’s my alternate challenge.

Find someone, anyone, and treat them to a random read aloud on 3/9. Perhaps it’s an unsuspecting grandchild or student or friend. It can be anyone, anywhere. Then stop back by and tell us about it. How did you feel about it? How did your listeners react?

And, of course, if anyone wants to chime in on my “Books and Blankets” idea, please do. I’d love to hear from you.

Posted & filed under News to Use, On a Personal Note, School Visits.